it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
