woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We need a shit load of segways right now
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
