all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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