I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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