I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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