I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
