Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
