I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize