I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
