I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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