Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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