Me. At least after what I've been through.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
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He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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