I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
