I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
