bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
