just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
