So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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