are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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