i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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