He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Terrible idea I love it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
