i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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