dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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