cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
