I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
