OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
