Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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