This is not my ceiling
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
