Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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