i don't like sucking hair
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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