I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
