And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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