Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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