adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
