Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
