it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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