I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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