4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
