i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!