Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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