I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
