I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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