My boss' voice literally gives me gas
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
