is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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