he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
