I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
