Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This girl is more easily done than said...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Randomize
