I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
