We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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