I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
