very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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