I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
