mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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