thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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