Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
ugly people sure do ruin things
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You ruined the universe
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
