I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
