I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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