He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
