Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
