his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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