We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
