I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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