She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
