His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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