you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
