Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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