Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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