First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
