"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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