A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
