I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
