A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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