he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
