guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
