he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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