im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
