Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
