i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
