So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
