WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
