Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just had sex bonerless
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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