For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
