maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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